Musings

I just finished writing a fairly serious post about my week and  now I feel the need to vent on a couple more light hearted issues.

First,can you imagine what its like when you've just turned up in a cold unfamiliar place to be told or rather to have someone( you know who you are) suggest that you will be there,not for the 10 months you intend but for ten years!!!! I felt like I had just received a death sentence...you may wonder why I even took the comment on,its because  I honestly do have this fear or inkling that I could be here for longer than 10 months.Even though I want to follow God wherever He calls me there is still very much a part of me that just wants to take control of my life and do what I want to do,a part of me that wants to work so I can just buy whatever I want to buy...gasp!! Yes I said it. So there's always that battle going on inside of me,I would like to think that at the end of the next 10 months I will go home and settle down to something a bit more predictable but I honestly don't know that I will ( sorry mum )....trust God to put me in that position,guess I will just have to wait on Him.

Secondly,I don't know how many of you know this but missions and YWAM in particular is a breeding ground for couples and I my friend am 21 and very much single...no pressure. I  had the wonderful opportunity of living with 11 christian young woman and don't be fooled...its on our minds,will we get married?how will we know he's the right one? where will meet?...a serious question when you have no idea what continent you will be on in the next  6 months.So yeh,all of that to say that its been on my mind and apparently on the minds of the people who know me,once again...no pressure.

I would absolutely love the blueprint to my life,to tell me exactly what to do,when to do it,who I will marry etc etc.It would take all the risk out of life and relationships..perfect. I'm always trying to see if there are any God given clues that I can use to figure some of these things out but then  you know what the funny thing is,and this applies to the whole relationship issue.No matter what clues you get..or think you have gotten you will still get  feelings,feelings that sneak up on you when you aren't looking and before you know it you're not as interested in who God might have for you...you just want to do something with the feelings you have now,you want this person to be the "the" person. Its happened to be a couple times over the years, to the point now where I have a fairly clinical approach to emotions...this probably isn't the person for me just suck it up and wait it out,its just a crush and in a couple of months you'll be over.I don't know that this is the best approach...I actually just think its a kind of mechanism I use to prevent emotional hurt,I decide its nothing early a clock then I can ignore it and then there's no need to risk your heart...right?

Well I've decided to stop thinking about it so much( kind of),I've found,in my quest for clarity and in my curiosity that Christian literature can actually make the situation worse.Should you date or nooo its about courtship and building Godly friendships etc etc.I wish there was a formula,but no two stories are the same...you just have to trust God to guide you when those pesky emotions pop up.And after all they do provide a bit of excitement in our lives don' t they?


Now you know.